Staying In a Bad Relationship? Why?

bad relationshipI’ve had my share of bad relationships. Trust me. It is entirely possible for you, me, and everyone else to enter a potentially bad relationship even if the warning signs are all there.  You have hope for the future, and who knows…the guy could change, right?

However, staying in a bad relationship is a different story. Once you realize that you are in a relationship that causes you to be depressed, hurt, sad, or any other negative emotion, and it isn’t changing, then it is time to hit the road and remove the relationship from your life.

Reasons For Staying

There are a number of reasons that people stay in bad relationships.

1. Kids – Like Dr. Phil always says, kids would rather be from a broken family then live in a broken home. If you are staying in the relationship because you don’t want the kids to see you and your partner break up, then that is purely selfish – it’s not helping the kids out.

They see the sadness in you, and that affects them whether you think it does or not. It would be much better to be separated so that you can model a happy and healthy life for them.

2. Enjoy being a victim – There is a thing called a victim mentality. We all know people like this. They enjoy complaining, whining and bitching about things because they get sympathy from people while doing so. When you don’t give them sympathy, they simply stop talking to you and look elsewhere for sympathy. A bad relationship feeds into a victims mentality and they stay simply because they tell themselves that ‘they don’t deserve any better’!

These people need to realize that being  acknowledged for positive things – such as accomplishments and kindness, is much more rewarding than being acknowledged for being a victim. They need to realize that they are worth something and when they stop complaining about their bad relationship and start doing something about it, the rewards will be much bigger than they ever imagined.

3. Low self-confidence – I could list off a bunch of women that have stayed in relationships because they didn’t have the confidence in themselves to leave. They didn’t think they could make it; they didn’t think that they could survive; they didn’t think that life would be ‘as good’ as it was outside of the relationship as it was inside.

Most of those women are STILL in those bad relationships and their confidence is still in the gutter. However, one woman (a close friend of mine) said, “You know what…I’m outta here.” She had a jerk husband, three kids, no job, no family in town, and a Christian church telling her that she HAD to stay in her bad relationship, but she still took her own happiness into her hands and left the bad relationship she was in. Today, she is remarried and happy.

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Why Are You Staying In a Bad Relationship?

So, there are some real reasons that you stay (not the things you tell yourself, but the REAL reasons).

1. You want to stay miserable.

2. You don’t want happiness.

3. You want to waste time in your life waiting for things to get better.

4. You feel like you don’t deserve any better.

These are the real reasons, and they are all a bunch of crap.

You deserve all the happiness  in the world in every moment of the day. But happiness comes to those who take it.

Think of it this way: If you are staying in a bad relationship, that makes you feel unhappy, then you are choosing to be unhappy.

Choose to find happiness instead. You don’t want to look back 30 years from now and regret not making that choice.

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11 Responses to Staying In a Bad Relationship? Why?

  1. Martin Cooney February 3, 2013 at 4:03 am #

    Oh so true, Bellaisa.
    If it all turns to crap, you need to exit. It’s a really tough decision to make but at the end of the day, the rest of your life is worth living and living it to its real and true potential. Anything else is kinda secondary.

  2. Donatus February 15, 2013 at 12:59 pm #

    Great and amazing relationship tips. i will also go with @martin comment: It’s a really tough decision to make but at the end of the day, the rest of your life is worth living and living it to its real and true potential.

    Thanks for sharing…

    • Bellaisa February 17, 2013 at 5:36 pm #

      Thanks for the comment Donatus.

  3. Adetony April 4, 2013 at 11:06 pm #

    you have a good point there, but in my survey, I realized that most people that stay in bad relationship is basically on low self esteem. They have finally believed that they can’t do any better outside that bad relationship hoping for a better day to come

    • Bellaisa April 6, 2013 at 2:02 pm #

      I see examples of that every day. So sad.

  4. Paulamcfree November 13, 2013 at 4:47 am #

    Come to this far staying in a Bad relationship is not healthy at all it will cost so much pain and more pity to your self…Get up and move on that’s the best way you can help yourself.

    • Bellaisa November 14, 2013 at 5:40 pm #

      It takes courage, but yes it is the best way you can help yourself – always. And nobody can help you buy you!

  5. @fishie01 April 29, 2014 at 12:18 pm #

    Bellaisa,
    Were YOU in an abusive relationship? Do you have extensive schooling on Domestic Violence?
    If not,you may want to rethink some of the reasons above.
    Battered women/men do not WANT to be a victim, & many have good self-esteem. But place that person in a household who is threatening them with violence, rape, & constantly barrages the abused with psychological abuse, & tell me they are CHOOSING to be unhappy.

    • Bellaisa May 14, 2014 at 3:59 pm #

      Everything is a choice in life. We always have a choice to do something, be something, or experience something different. We have a choice to think a different way, view situations a different way, and act and react in a different way. Everything is a choice in life.

  6. @fishie01 May 15, 2014 at 2:42 am #

    Everything is NOT a choice. I didn’t chose to have certain physical and chemical mental illnesses.
    I’m not even dignifying your comment about choice when it comes to relationships.

    • Bellaisa May 23, 2014 at 10:09 pm #

      When it comes to relationships, you have a choice. No, you cannot choose your genetic make up or what ailments you are born with, but you can choose how to react to them. You may want to read You Are the Placebo: Making Your Mind Matter I think you will find it beneficial.

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